Still looking

It's official now: the house we've been renting has sold. And not to us. We now have about six weeks until we're homeless.

We've looked at pretty much every house in the area that's in, or even near our price range.  There is no obvious "perfect" home for us. We've really been hoping to buy something out of town but really close to town and it looks like that's just not realistic.

At this point I feel pretty good about the prospect of buying a house at all...but still sad to (probably) be giving up the dream of a little acreage.  And yes, "not right now" doesn't mean "never". But I'm still sad.

Please keep praying for us as we consider our options and make decisions about housing for our family.

Dreaming of a home

So much has happened in these past six months. So much.  Moving and baby are the big ones. Huge ones. But still life marches on at breakneck speed.

We have been renting since we moved north, and are hoping to buy a house up here. We've looked at so many houses! Lots are immediately stricken off the list  of possibilities...and some we keep thinking about, keep reworking the numbers...keep dreaming.

We're in the thick of winter up here, but I keep thinking toward spring. Thinking about the garden I want to plant (that I can't in this house), about the dog we want to get (that we can't in this house), about the desire to finally have our own space, and land with room for the kids to run and explore.  Spring is coming and we'd love to move and finally settle into our own place.

The problem is that there is no clear "right place" just yet. A few leads, but nothing that feels right.  We keep hoping, praying,  looking at every possibility that presents itself.  We know it will happen eventually, but we just feel so ready to settle! I personally have lived in fourteen different houses (not counting temporary living situations and all the different dorm rooms) in the past fourteen years. I'm ready for one last move, so we can settle in and not move for a few years.

Would you join us in praying for a house? A place where we can settle in and stay a while.  Much appreciated.

This earth is so not our home!

big changes in store

 Where do I begin?!

Last summer we heard of that the position of pastor in our favourite small town in North Central BC was coming available.  After much prayer and consideration, we decided Stewart should apply.  After many months of waiting, Stewart flew up there for an interview this spring, then we all drove up to meet the church and for Stewart to preach one Sunday.  And now, yesterday, we got a call from the church asking Stewart to come be their pastor!  And he said yes!

We are hoping to move around August 1, although there are a lot of details (primarily housing) that need to be sorted out before we can move.  We are very excited about this new adventure, while admitting that it will be a hard adjustment, especially with a new baby due this fall, and moving away from our families.  Despite that, we are excited for this opportunity to use our gifts in ministry (Stewart in his role at the church, and I in hospitality in our home), and especially thankful for the opportunity to buy a home and settle down for a while.

When we told the kids about the move, Micah immediately was excited and gave us a big smile.  Halle said, "ooooh, that's gonna be so fun!".  LOL.  We are thankful that the kids are excited about the change!

We would appreciate your prayers over the coming weeks as we pack, work on hopefully buying a house, and say our goodbyes to these people and this place that we love.

In somewhat related news, we just changed our email address, so if you don't yet have that but want to stay in touch via email, please leave a comment or Facebook message and we'd be happy to pass it along to you.

all-clear

Yesterday I had another appointment with our perinatalogist.  He did another detailed ultrasound - probably the coolest one yet.  He showed me various parts of the brain, a very clear view of the four chambers of baby's heart, the kidneys, and even the baby's uvula at the back of his/her throat.  Amazing!

The doctor printed three great photos of the baby, "so your kids don't have to fight over one".  And best of all... he cleared me!  Because Stewart's blood work is negative (regarding the antibody), Jackson had no complications, and this baby is looking completely normal, he said I no longer need to see him.  And then he added with a grin, "stay away from doctors, okay?".

We are so pleased and so thankful.  God is good!

antibody update

I keep forgetting to update this space, but I know that there have been people checking and wondering what is up with my pregnancy so far.  So here I am.  :)

My midwives informed me that I do have the antibody (still).  This seems obvious, but I had really been praying and hoping for healing and that it would be miraculously gone.  It's not.  I have an appointment coming up this week with the perinatologist.  We would appreciate your prayers that this baby is healthy and strong and free of complications due to the antibody.  Please also pray that we would come to a reasonable arrangement for monitoring this pregnancy.  The specialist mentioned in my last pregnancy that we may be able to eliminate the regular ultrasounds by checking the bloodwork of all three children.  We're hoping to get some clarity about this option, because although getting their bloodwork isn't ideal, it may be the better option in the long run.

Thank you for standing with us in prayer!

no news is good news?

An quick update for those who are wondering.  I did my blood tests on Monday.  I checked my results online and all those listed are normal, as expected.  The antibody screen results aren't available online, so I have to wait for a call from the midwife, or maybe since it's "old news" they'll just mention it at my next appointment.  Or maybe no news is good news?  Either way, I have no actual results yet (except the standard hemoglobin, etc).

pregnancy woes, round 4

Ah yes, back to the craziness of my body being pregnant.  My pregnancy with Jackson was actually really smooth overall.  But early on in the pregnancy it was discovered that I have a rare antibody that can be potentially very dangerous for both baby and I.  My pregnancy was monitored closely - both with lots of blood tests, and many ultrasounds.  In the end I had a healthy baby with no complications.  Praise the Lord!

So, this time, I've been told that the risk of having serious complications due to the antibody are less likely, since everything was fine last time.  But my understanding is the specialist will still want to follow my pregnancy closely.  Although the end results were good, it was a very stressful pregnancy for us last time, and is likely to be uncertain again this time.

However, with each of my pregnancies I've been diagnosed with a different, serious and somewhat rare complication.  BUT, despite the high risks (in some cases 90+%) of having these same complications again in subsequent pregnancies, I have never yet had a complication again.  Each of my pregnancies have been covered in prayer.  Each of these things (my bicornuate uterus no longer looking misshapen at the second and third ultrasounds, not having cholestasis again, coming through H1N1 seven months pregnant without complication, not having my water break early, etc) is a miracle.  We know our God is BIG and He has sovereignly taken care of us and had His hand on each pregnancy.  So we are asking Him that when I do my routine blood tests next week, this antibody will no longer be present in my body.  In human terms, that is crazy!  But it is nothing for our God.  And Him removing it from my body would be all to His glory!  He has intervened for me in the past and we are trusting Him to do it again.

Would you join us in prayer?

on the move

It's true. Once again I find myself sorting through all our earthly possessions and packing boxes.  However, unlike our last few moves, this one does not involve putting stuff in storage, airplanes, or even saying goodbyes. We're moving just across the city, rather than across the ocean. 

This is so much simpler. So much simpler.

This time we are upgrading!  We're moving to a house! We will still be renting and it is an older house, bit it is still a house. For the first time (except in Africa) we will live in our own house, not just a suite.  And we're so excited!

Nonetheless a move is a move, and especially for the kids it's a big transition.  We have about 3 weeks until the move and I have only 4 boxes packed.  It will all get done, right?!

I hesitate only briefly, because I know God always provides all we need, and the purpose of this move is to be in a better position to serve and honour Him through our home.

So if packing, cleaning, moving, or unpacking are your thing, let me know!  I'm not sure this move is even really possible in this stage of life without some major help.  But I guess I'm about to find out!

home free

On Friday I had my final ultrasound with the perinatalogist.  Along with the beautiful sight of precious little toes and chubby cheeks, came the wonderful news that all is well.  Both baby and I are healthy and show no signs of complications from the antibody I have.  I am now over 36 weeks pregnant, and I don't need to see the perinatalogist again.  Praise God!!!  I really want to make it to at least 37 weeks (which is this Thursday) then the baby can come anytime.  No signs of labour yet, so I don't think it will be a problem to make it to Thursday.  :)  With my medical history it seems like such a miracle that I will (probably) make it to term without complications.  I am so thrilled.  Especially when I think back to the initial diagnosis of the antibody, when we thought my care might get transferred to the women's hospital an hour away... and here I am, almost 37 weeks with a healthy baby in utero and no signs of the antibody.  Thank you, Jesus!

It's also crazy to think that technically I could be pregnant for another month!  Since Halle was born early (35 weeks) it already seems like I must be overdue... and I haven't even reached term yet (37 weeks).

I am still at risk of developing cholestasis, and will be until this baby is born.  We'd appreciate your continued prayers that I remain healthy and my liver does too.  :)

no cholestasis yet!

This morning I received results from some blood work I had done on Wednesday.  I wondered if I had the beginning stages of cholestasis since my feet have been tingly and border-line itchy lately.  (Itchy feet is one of the main symptoms of cholestasis in pregnancy.)  Praise the LORD, all my results came back normal.  No cholestasis, just tingly mildly swollen pregnant feet.  Wonderful news!

Also, when I saw the perinatalogist a week ago, he commented that he doubted I would have cholestasis this time since I didn't have it in my pregnancy with Halle.  I believe his exact words were: "Well, I won't say that you won't get it..."

Keep praying!

all is well with baby #3

I had another ultrasound on Friday, checking out our little baby and looking for signs of complications from the crazy antibody that I have.  The perinatologist reported that everything looks good.  Baby is healthy and there are no signs of trouble yet.  He booked me for one (hopefully) final ultrasound, right before Christmas, but said that it's unlikely that anything will develop since we've made it safely this far.  I am 32.5 weeks.  Praise the Lord!

We'd appreciate your continued prayers -- for no complications from the antibody, and that I would be able to deliver a healthy baby without ever having cholestasis.  So far I don't have it, but it often shows about around this time in a pregnancy for women who have a history of it.  I am really hoping for a natural, healthy labour and delivery.  It's my dream to have this baby without being induced -- something I haven't yet experienced.  If I develop cholestasis, it is very likely I would be induced again.

A big thank you again to everyone who has prayed and is still praying for us and our baby.  We so appreciate your prayers.

a pregnancy update

What a crazy few months.

God definitely has us on a journey, and it is far from over!

baby belly at 24 weeks

After hearing from the perinatologist that the antibody I have is not going to cause complications, because Stewart is not a carrier... we have since learned otherwise.  After my standard 20 week ultrasound he requested to see me every 6 weeks.  I was confused, but agreed.  At my next ultrasound appointment with him, I asked for some clarification.  Why was I still seeing him if everything was fine?  (For more background, read here and here.)

It turns out that things are not quite that straight forward.  Ever.

I don't remember all the proper medical terms he used, but basically, although Stewart isn't a carrier of the antibody, there is still a chance (25% or less, according to my rough understanding) that the baby could be susceptible to the antibody and whatever complications that would imply (one such complication is severe fetal anemia.  eek).

At my last appointment everything looked normal.  Praise the Lord!  My next appointment is on November 23 (also Micah's birthday).  Please pray that everything continues to go well, baby grows well, and for a good report on the 23rd.

Thankfully no sign of cholestasis yet.  I thought I was getting it last week, but a blood test of my liver function showed that everything is normal.  Phew.  Once again, praise God!

I am almost 29 weeks pregnant, and really hoping for at least another 8 weeks of uncomplicated pregnancy before this baby comes!

We are so thankful for all your prayers, support, and love as we journey.

things are never as they seem

Despite being told at my first appointment with the specialist (regarding the antibody I have) that everything was fine and there would be no complications... I've since found out otherwise.  Not so much that there will be further complications, but that further complications isn't something they have ruled out.  Great.

We were totally under the impression that I was free and clear and everything was normal.  However, when I went in for my 20-week ultrasound the specialist told me that despite everything looking great, he wants to keep an eye on me due to the unpredictable nature of the antibody.  The antibody that is supposed to be a non-event.  I now will see him every 6 weeks, or more often.

Since that appointment I also discovered that Canadian Blood Services wants to continue monitoring me as well.  So now I get to give them three vials of blood monthly until baby comes.

I am really hoping and praying that this won't become something more.  That in all their looking and monitoring they won't suddenly find something.  I really feel like sometimes modern medicine and all the monitoring that happens just means people are looking for potential problems that would be fine (and cause much less stress) if left unnoticed.  (I know... modern medicine has it's place and has done a lot for me and my babies... I'm well aware.)

And the journey continues... one ultrasound and one blood test at a time.  For now, I feel a little bit like a ticking time bomb, waiting for the first symptoms of ... something.  Itchiness from cholestasis, my water breaking early,  or some random symptom indicating something going wrong with this antibody.  So I keep hoping, praying, and trying to trust, knowing full well that God has this under control.  Each of our babies have been strong and healthy despite the circumstances of their births.  But this uncertainty is just so hard in the meantime.

best doctor appointment ever.

Thank you so much, everyone who joined us in prayer for our baby regarding the antibody I developed. 

Today Stew and I went to see the specialist, and have good news.  After he looked at Stew's bloodwork, the doctor told us that the antibody is of no concern at all.  Stew doesn't have it, so although I do, he says the baby will not have it, because it is passed through the father.  He also concluded that I must have gotten the antibody when I had a blood transfusion after Micah was born, and it took until now to show up in my blood work.  The doctor also did an ultrasound, and the baby looks great.  His/her photo is now on our fridge.  :)  (May or may not get posted here soon...)

Our biggest concern now (according to the doctor) is that I could develop cholestasis (which I had with Micah but didn't get with Halle).  At least we will know what symptoms to look for, and can address it much earlier than we did with Micah (it was really severe!).  So we would appreciate your prayers that I would not develop cholestasis this time.

Thank you so much for standing with us in prayer!  I felt about 100lbs lighter when we walked out of our appointment today!

With much love and gratitude,

Charisa

and the [pregnancy] rollercoaster begins

Where do I start?

As you know, I am pregnant.  14.5 weeks, to be exact.  If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you will be aware that I haven't exactly had easy pregnancies, with either of our children.  However, God has been faithful, and we really hoped for an easy pregnancy this time around.  The chances of me having the same complications that I've had in the past is fairly small, and so we were realistically hopeful for our third child.

Well, things aren't exactly going as we had hoped.  Far from it.

A week and a half ago, we received a call from the midwife saying that we needed to both come in and see them asap, due to some unusual results on my standard prenatal blood tests.  "I'm just so sorry", she kept saying.  Not a good sign.

The next day, Stew and I sat down with Debbie, one of our wonderful midwives, as she told us the news.  My blood test revealed an antibody that has developed in my body since Halle was born.  We don't yet know fully what this means, since we had to complete more bloodwork (Stew included!) for them to properly diagnose me... but we know it is not good.  Debbie asked me to please not do any research on this antibody, since the outcomes can be really bad, and they don't want me to be unnecessarily stressed and worried at this point, when so little is known.  I'm taking her word on it, and going with just the information she gave us, for now.  We have completed further bloodwork and genetic testing, and are waiting for an appointment with a nearby specialist.  We've been warned that is it likely that our local hospital (although big and typically well-equipped) will not be adequately able to deal with my case and my care may have to eventually be transferred to a larger more specialized hospital downtown.  I will also eventually have to see a genetic counsellor and I'm sure many other specialists as things progress.

I hadn't really planned on blogging about all this until we know more.  Until I could write and say, "I have ______ condition, and it likely means ______ for the baby".  But really, this has been incredibly hard news to take, and I feel really alone, having told only a few close friends and family so far.  Not knowing much about what this could mean has also been hard, and I find myself imagining all sorts of possible [aweful] scenarios.  However, I very much trust my midwives, and at this point I would rather be wondering what the implications could be, rather than have my fears confirmed.

I know we have a long road ahead of us.  I am, after all, only 14.5 weeks along.  And honestly, I haven't taken the news very well.  I feel defeated.  Winded.  Fragile.  Broken.  My feelings of joy and excitement about our coming baby have rapidly vanished, and often when people ask how things are going, it's hard to keep composure.  (But please don't stop asking; just know the answer may not be easy or happy, and don't ask if you're not okay with the possibility of tears.  I am pregnant, after all.)

This wasn't supposed to happen.  There was supposed to be no bad news this time.  Certainly not this early, and certainly not news this bad.  But here we are.  Forced once again onto a rollercoaster of testing, waiting, monitoring, praying, trusting, and many, many appointments.  This is the fifth time I've had to deal with a fairly major/potentially serious complication in pregnancy, and frankly, I'm sick of it.  Can't I just have a typical, morning-sick, uncomfortable, joyous, long, normal pregnancy, natural labour, and healthy baby??  I'm feeling more than a little jealous right now, of pretty much everyone I know who has had a baby in the past few years.  Yeah, I know that's a lot of you reading this.

So, here you are.  I'm choosing to share my burden, even in the awkward first stages of this journey. My hope is that this will break my feeling of isolation, at least a little.  That a few more of you will get it.  At least a little.  Get that I'm discouraged, exhausted, confused, frustrated, grieving the loss of what was supposed to be.  And maybe some of you will pray for me, for us, for our baby.  For health, most of all.  And peace in the midst of all this craziness.

just like Isaiah's

Micah's little friend Isaiah was diagnosed with leukemia two weeks ago.  He is two years old, just a month younger than Micah.  He's receiving chemotherapy, and eventually his hair will fall out because of it.  On the weekend his parents buzzed his hair to make it less traumatic for him.

Yesterday we buzzed Micah's hair too, in support of Isaiah.  He wanted to do it--to have hair just like Isaiah's.

Today Micah and Isaiah had a chance to talk on skype.  Cuteness.  I think he liked Micah's matching haircut!

To see before and after pictures of Isaiah's new haircut, click here.

Please, please keep Isaiah and his family in your prayers.  You can follow Isaiah's blog here.

soon, soon

We've made it past the 34 week mark, baby and I.  He/she still growing in utero, and this Momma still on the couch with her sanity (mostly) intact.  And now we're almost there.  I've decided not to advertise the exact day of the induction to the entire world, partly because it isn't set in stone, and partly because what's the fun in everyone knowing when your baby is going to arrive?!  But I will say that it is this week, and seeing as I am still at home, it clearly isn't today.  Soon though.

I still am bleeding a little on and off (currently off, and hoping it stays that way, but you never know!).  As such, I've been told I cannot stay on the care-at-home program.  And the hospital doesn't seem to want to keep me there, since they are not concerned about the bleeding at this point.  And I am very, very happy to stay at home for this last little while and keep my hospital visit as short as possible.  (My condition is stable, so the doctors are not concerned enough to admit me to the hospital just yet.)  It gives me some time to get the last details taken care of, especially arranging childcare for Micah.  Thankfully, I just came across my notes from the prenatal classes we took when I was pregnant with Micah.  Time to review!!  So here I am at home, just keeping a careful watch on the baby's movements, frequency of contractions (or lack thereof), my vitals, etc., and reading.  It's not much longer now.

Now you'll just have to keep checking back here until I post a baby announcement!  (And it might take a little while unless I can steal an iPhone off of someone for a few minutes, since there is no wi-fi at our hospital.)


Please pray for us this week as we prepare for induction and then labour and delivery.  Pray for no complications, for peace, and for a healthy baby!

long story short

Thanks to more bleeding, we just spent five hours at the hospital.  Again.  (Our fifth time in triage in five weeks.)

Long story short: lots of bleeding; went to hospital; baby is still healthy and happy; I'm still not going into labour; the bleeding seems to be the same as whatever was causing the bleeding originally (it's all still a mystery); finally sent home.

I see my OB tomorrow, so we are thinking he will arrange for me to be induced sooner-than-later.  Which given our scare today, we're totally okay with.  Until then, please pray that this bleeding will stop!  And pray that our Little One will remain healthy these last few days in utero.

Time to go fill our hungry tummies with our very over-cooked slow-cooker supper.  If I had known we were going to make a mad dash to the hospital, I would have set it to 'low' instead of 'high'.  Oops.  Well, at least we have food, and at least we are home to eat it.  :)

the babe is growing

Today we had what will hopefully be our last ultrasound.  She didn't schedule me for another one, because in the words of the doctor "you'll have a baby by the time you need another scan".  So there's the word, folks!  I've been having ultrasounds every two weeks.  That means less than two weeks.  For real.

The scan today went well... still a decent amount of fluid around the baby, good blood flow to baby, and baby has been growing well.  Her best guess weighs baby in at around 4lbs 7oz, which means he/she has gained almost a pound in these past two weeks!  Good work, Baby!  And it will likely be about a week (or more) until he/she is born, so hopefully he/she will get close to the 5 lb mark by then.  Still small, I know... but not so tiny after all!

Thanks for all your prayers... and please keep praying!

still pregnant.

Thankfully, I'm still pregnant.  I'll be 32 weeks tomorrow, and that was my goal.  Well, ultimately 34 weeks is my goal, but statistically things look pretty good from 32 weeks on.  Now each day that Baby keeps growing inside means he/she is getting bigger and hopefully will need less time in the NICU.  Our ultrasound on Thursday had Baby weighing in at approximately 3lbs 9oz, which is pretty good growth since the previous ultrasound.  So as much as he/she is less likely to face major health problems at this point (compared with three weeks ago when my water broke), two more weeks inside me could drastically reduce the length of time spent in hospital.  And personally I'd much rather snuggle my little one at home, than in the NICU (if they will even let me snuggle him/her at first).

The other sort-of exciting event on Thursday was our tour of the NICU.  It was good to see what the nursery is actually like, and to see little babies born at the same age as our little one.  I expected to be really overwhelmed by it all, and I wasn't.  Of course no one is really happy about having their baby in the NICU, but I expected it to be so much worse.  Maybe it's because the babies we saw aren't our baby.  But either way, there was much less tubing and medical equipment than I expected to see.  And yes the babies in the NICU were small, but not as small as I expected.  If nothing else, I think all the reading and research I've done this week has helped prepare me for the worst.  Which makes the reality of our situation seem pretty... well... tame.  I am so thankful for the medical care and technology that we have here, and that our baby wasn't born at 29 weeks when my water broke.  These three weeks have made such a difference in the development of our little one. 

I am so thankful.

That said, our journey isn't over yet.  Will you join us in praying for our baby?  We have three main prayer requests:
1) Pray against infection.  As long as I stay free of infection, the OB will wait until 34 weeks to induce labour.
2) Pray that the baby grows, grows, grows.
3) Pray that my body will remain stable and will not go into labour until 34 weeks.  (And please, please, pray that it will go into labour on it's own at 34 weeks, without induction!)

I guess that makes 4 requests... you can handle that, right??


More photos and family fun coming soon...