Introducing Titus!

Better late than never, right?

Our fifth child, another precious boy, was born six weeks ago.

Titus Stephen Elliot was born April 3 at 2:41am weighing 8lbs 1oz.

We're all smitten!

And now, 6 weeks later, he's eating well, sleeping well (often going 5hrs straight at night), and has gained close to 5lbs!

Praise the LORD!

Train up a Child: A Portable Bedtime

We've had people tell us over and over how remarkable it is that our children are able to go to sleep fairly easily in places other than their own beds.  To me, I see this as a natural result of the purposeful steps we have taken to teach them this skill. Now, I don't take full credit, because some kids are naturally better sleepers than others. But overall, we work to instill in our children from the very beginning the skills, abilities and attributes we want them to have later on in their lives, and so I am not surprised at their ability to sleep.

Even I was impressed with Jackson's nap in Costco this summer!

Just as Proverbs 22:6 states "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." I believe there are many skills, abilities and attributes that we need to be working to teach our children even from a very young age.  Of course what we work on teaching a newborn is different from what we teach our toddlers, which will be very different from what we teach our pre-teens.  But the principle remains: as parents we should be looking ahead to the attributes we want our children to possess and start teaching those lessons while they are still young.  (I'm not saying that teaching your children to sleep anywhere is a skill all parents should teach, but we've been asked about it so many times, I thought I'd share it as an example of something we've tried to be intentional about.)

As parents of small children there are a few practical life skills we have intentionally worked to teach them, and are already working to teach Judah as a newborn. The very first skills of this nature relate to sleep. We want our children to be able to go to sleep anywhere, and even with a moderate amount of noise.  We do this by putting our babies to bed in various places right from the newborn stage.  I make sure that even at home, the baby doesn't sleep only in his or her crib.  Starting when Micah was a little baby, I would put him to nap on a blanket on the floor, or on our bed, or in his stroller, so he didn't grow to need his own bed as a sleep cue. Then as he grew a little bit older and we created a bedtime routine for him, we purposely chose to incorporate only activities that were portable.  For example, we didn't bathe him every night before bed, because we couldn't always do that if we were out somewhere.  What we did do was get him in pajamas, brush teeth, read a story, sing a lullaby, and say the same words each night, then put him in bed. This way we provided consistency even within the flexibility of going to sleep in various places.

Along with putting our kids to sleep in various places right from the beginning, we also did our best to get them used to sleeping with noise. We purposely keep making noise and aren't quiet during baby nap times, so that noise becomes normal.  I've heard it said that the sounds in the womb are as loud as a vacuum cleaner to a baby, so as newborns they are used to loud background noises. I believe babies lose this ability as we tiptoe around them and train them to need quiet.  With our first baby I purposely did loud activities and put on music while he napped. Now with three older kids, I have Judah nap on the main floor and we don't have to put any extra effort into making noise!  I think this is why Jackson is our best sleeper yet - the background noise in our house is near continual. 

We repeated this with each of our children, and the result is that we are able to go out in the evenings with the whole family, and still maintain a usual bedtime for the kids.  Earlier this week we had a lovely adults-only dinner at a friends house, by first feeding our kids and putting all four to sleep there.  The older two shared the bed with a head at either end, and Jackson slept in his playpen, while Judah napped on a living room chair.  Each of the older three were happily cuddled up with their own special fleece blankets that we bring with us every time they sleep in a place other than home.  And I found myself again thinking how thankful I am that our children have the gift of portable sleep.

4 kids, 4 years and under...how do you do it?!

I've had people tell me I must be crazy.  Or brave.  Or something.  And sure, our house is really busy.  And loud!  But overall, I'm finding four kids to be easier than two or three.  Impossible?!  I think it's totally possible, because I've learned a few things along the way.

-I've learned to let go of the housework - but not entirely.  I know what things bother me, and what things don't.  So I choose to focus on keeping up with what matters most, and letting the rest slide.  For me, that means I focus on keeping our laundry washed (but rarely folded by me), meals cooked (but our kitchen is often messy), and kitchen/dining room floors swept daily (but the rest not).  This is made possible because...

-I've learned to ask for and receive help.  With the exception of my 86 year old Grandma, if someone offers to wash my dishes, I take them up on it.  If people offer to help, I almost always accept.  I have a friend who helps with folding my laundry.  My husband is amazing at cleaning the kitchen.  This means that sometimes things aren't done the way I like.  But they are done, and I've learned to let go of some of the specifics, even if it means hunting all over my kitchen to find that item someone else put away.

-I've learned to make time for me.  For my sanity, I need time to invest in myself.  This sounds selfish, I know.  But having struggled in the past with depression, I realize that I have to be investing in me if I want to be healthy enough to give to others.  And as a mother, I do a lot of giving.  "Me-time" includes reading my Bible and prayer, reading parenting books, knitting, sewing, going for runs, etc.  These things don't necessarily happen when I'm "off" mommy-duty and my whole house is calm.  Sometimes I will sit and knit for a few minutes in the morning while the kids are playing well.  Or have a long bath in the evening after the kids are in bed, and let my husband take care of the baby.  I know from experience that if I wait for the perfect opportunity to care for myself, it is likely to not happen; I choose to make time for me.

-I've learned the importance of sleep for both me and baby.  I remember being completely exhausted when Micah (our oldest) was a newborn, yet feeling like I shouldn't be taking naps.  I stopped napping when he was only three weeks old.  Looking back, I see that as foolish.  As a mom of a baby, even just as a mom of little children, sleep is precious.  If you can fit in a nap every day, DO IT.  Yes, this means setting aside the dishes, or laundry or whatever, and sleeping while your children nap.  For me, it's completely worth it.  The second part of this, is that we work hard to help our babies sleep well, so they are happy and rested, and so am I.  The simple explanation is that we teach them to fall asleep on their own, right from day one.  But that's a post all in itself.

-I've learned to recognize the seasons of life and adjust my expectations accordingly.  There was a time when I was focused on our family eating extremely healthy (ie. soaking our rice, making bone broth from scratch regularly, avoiding all refined sugar and processed foods, etc.).  We felt better for it, and yet, I've chosen to relax my standards in this season of life.  Do I still value those healthy-eating choices?  Absolutely.  And yet, I have four small children and time is precious.  We eat healthy as much as we can, and then sometimes I serve my family hot dogs for supper (we do love a good weiner roast!).  As the kids get older I'm sure I'll be in the kitchen more, making more from scratch, soaking grains, etc.  For now I'm letting that go and choosing not to feel guilty about it.  Likewise, I believe cloth diapering is a wonderful, eco-friendly option.  I used to cloth-diaper, but I've chosen to use disposables for now, and let go of the guilt.  With 2-3 kids in diapers at a time, just keeping everyone clean and dry is a big enough task.  I don't need to add washing diapers to my list of duties.  Instead I am choosing to be thankful for the convenience of disposables in this season of life. 

-I've learned to anticipate and plan for busy seasons, and lessen the cooking.  Part of this is what I mentioned already: choosing to let go of some of the values I have about food in this season of life.  But more specifically, I try to plan for busy seasons such as moving house, having a baby, Christmas, house guests, etc., by preparing freezer meals ahead of time.  With both our third and fourth babies, I stocked our freezer ahead of time with 15-20 meals.  We still happily accepted whatever meals people offered to bring us after the birth, because the point isn't to be self-sufficient.  I know that the help only lasts so long, and babies are a lot of work.  One way I can simplify life for a while is to have a good stash of meals ready to go.  Currently our baby is five weeks old and I am choosing to cook supper every other day and heat up freezer meals the rest of the time to ease the cooking burden.

-I've learned that it's okay to stay home.  I used to feel a lot of pressure (mostly from myself) to get out of the house most days.  I enjoyed the change of scenery, but I found myself often stressed about getting out the door on time.  Since we moved, we've stayed home a lot.  Initially it was just because we didn't really have anywhere to go, but now more and more I'm choosing to have people in, or ask my hubby to run to the store on his way home from work, rather than go out by myself with the whole clan.  And you know, it has really taken away a lot of the stress.  Rather than rushing out the door in the morning, my goal most days is to have everyone dressed by 10am... which often doesn't happen.  But you know, we're almost never still in our pajamas at supper time.  :)

You don't have to be SuperMom.  I'm not SuperMom.  And I hate to break the news, but neither are you!  Choose what matters most to you, what is reasonable for you, what works for your family, and let go of the rest.  And let go of the guilt already!  Moms of little ones, enjoy the season of life you're in, and the little people God has given you.  This is only a season of your life, and it will be over all too soon.