"Without enough sleep, we all become tall two-year-olds."
-JoJo Jensen (Readers Digest, October 2010, p. 49)
I found this quote yesterday in the Reader's Digest, and Stewart and I both laughed out loud at the reality of it. We're both very much struggling with exhaustion right now; Micah still just isn't sleeping well. He was better for a while, but now we're back to waking 3-4 times per night. Last night he was awake from 3:15-5:15am. Finally we put him in his bed, told him we loved him, and shut the door. I absolutely hate doing that, but sometimes it's all we can do. He cried for 15 minutes max, and was asleep.
We are just so out of ideas. He is more than a year old; he does not need to be waking up that much!! I totally get that when we first moved here his little body was struggling with jet lag, the time change, and the whole transition in general. But that was more than two months ago.
Stew said to me yesterday, "We must be doing something drastically wrong!" Part of me agrees. There must be something, somewhere, that we could do that would make the difference. Something we've missed. But then the other part of me thinks that he's just a baby, and some babies just don't sleep well.
We've tried letting him cry-it-out, a few weeks ago. It took him three nap/sleep times of crying and then he began to settle into sleep very quickly after we put him down. But we've already regressed back to rocking him to sleep, and him sleeping very poorly. I'm hesitant to try it again. I really, really, really don't like letting him cry, but I also really feel like nothing else is working at all. And that did work, at least for a while.
I am at the point of considering paying for a professional baby sleep consultation service. It seems ridiculous, I know. Personally, I didn't even know such things existed, before Micah came along! But they certainly do. I've found one that I like... flexible methods to fit your parenting style, and especially, the 100% guarantee. So we're going to give it a few more days, but I'm thinking it might be a worthwhile way to spend a little bit of the birthday/Christmas money that is coming our way in this next while. (Reading the success stories on their website certainly makes me jealous. One lady writes: "In just three days, my baby was falling asleep without any crying and sleeping 12-13 hours a night in his crib." !!!)
Has anyone tried a sleep service before? How'd it go? Do tell!
Did you let your babies cry-it-out? How did it go for you?
And please, as always, any baby sleep tips you may have, I want to hear them!
Dearest Charisa and Stew,
ReplyDeleteYou are right, Charisa, He is just a baby, and many babies do not sleep well. At the same time sleep deprivation basically makes us crazy. Rest assured you two, you are not doing anything wrong. I am wondering if he is teething again, and do you have any homeopathic remedies for teething? If so, it would probably be worth trying them.
I am also wondering if you need to cut out one of his daytime naps. That might help with nighttime sleep. Also, is he entering another developmental stage? Often that is when babies sleep patterns get messed up for awhile.
Yes, I tried letting Sarah cry it out. I only lasted 4 minutes, then couldn't stand it, so that was the end of that.
May God give you wisdom and strength.
Love, Auntie Laurie
Auntie Laurie,
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you'll check back here, but I hope you do!
Micah could be teething again. He rarely lets me get a peek (or a finger!) into his mouth to see, but there are lots of teeth still to come! We do have some homeopathic teething medicine, but I guess I'm not sure how to use it. When we give it, it doesn't seem to help much. Should we give it preventatively? Regularly? Only when he's in pain? We've been giving it instead of Tylenol, but then he still seems in pain, so we end up giving Tylenol as well.
He has started walking just in this past two weeks. So that's still new, but not super new. He's still crawling 2/3 of the time, and walking the rest.
Thanks for your help!! Love you!
Charisa
Greetings from America!!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you are having sleepless nights!! I so remember those days!!
Are you still nursing him at night or at all? Zeke didn't sleep all through the night until after I stopped nursing him (at 17-18 mos.). However, at his naptimes we did use the cry it out method and as hard as it is, it works!! At least it did for us!! Now there are still times when he cries but only for a few seconds. I think because we used the cry it out for nap times when I stopped nursing him to sleep he would go right down. Now, we do give him a sippy cup of milk when we lay him down and he rarely cries!! Personally, before I paid money for someone to give me advice I would do my best to try the cry it out method. Like I said, it stinks and our house helper was not at all happy that we were letting him cry but now she sees how it worked and how easy he'll go to sleep. We put him down around 8:15 and he sleeps until 7:00-7:30, normally. If you are still doing night nursings one thing I did to eliminate those is just give him a sippy cup of milk when he woke up. Sometimes I would pick him up and console him but most of the time I just tried to give him the cup first. Most nights he would take the cup and lay back down and go to sleep.
Hope that helps!! We'll be praying for you guys to get some sleep!!
Blessings,
Crystal
Charisa and Stew, I so remember those nights with Clarissa. Spencer was a decent sleeper but our dear Clarissa was a bit of a problem, she was!!!! She was not a good sleeper and I was up way too much with her which led to major sleep deprivation, especially since I could not nap when she napped being as I had another little person who was very much awake when she napped! I would really encourage you to let her cry it out as much as you can stand it. It sounds cruel but ...
ReplyDeleteUhfortunately little children are really hard to figure out as to what is happening to wake them up. Sometimes it is just plain old habit and learning to put oneself back to sleep is a good habit to learn (difficult though it may be to learn that habit). Giving him a sippy cup (like the advice previous) with water in it would be an option.
Will be praying for you guys. It is a tough thing to deal with, that is for sure.
Love, Auntie Coke
Charisa, what is the name of the homeopathic remedy you have? I could try to find out how you are supposed to use it. Also, I can ask at our health food store what they recommend.
ReplyDeleteHoping you all had a better sleep tonight.
Love, Auntie Laurie
No real advice, just my sympathy! Know that you are NOT doing something drastically wrong, though I understand feeling that when you are dealing with a bad sleeper and totally sleep deprived. (((Hugs!)))
ReplyDeleteGreat quote, by the way! SOOOO true!
ReplyDeleteAuntie Laurie - the homeopathic stuff we have is Camilia by Boiron Laboratories. If you find something out, that would be great. But no pressure, and certainly no rush.
ReplyDeleteCrystal - I am still nursing Micah. The hard thing is, that's the easiest way to get him back to sleep when he wakes. I have been considering weaning him soon, but especially trying to night-wean him. Or at least break the whole milk/sleep association.
Why does this all have to be so complex?!
By the way -- last night when he woke at 1am, we check him (no poopy bum, not teething) and then let him cry. He cried on and off for a while, then I caved and nursed him, and put him back in bed, and he was asleep in 5 minutes and slept until morning. That's progress!!
Hi Charisa
ReplyDeleteI went to school with Stewart. I have a (recently - Nov 11) one year old also, I so wish I had known you and Stew had a little guy before you moved away, it would have been lovely for them to play together, and for me to meet you and see Stewart - it's been a long time!
Thomas, my one year old, sleeps really well, but I really do believe in the "cry it out" philosophy. A few things to consider when trying it out again are, You aren't hurting him, he isn't going to be "damaged" by crying it out, and you aren't neglecting him either. I have only had to do the "cry it out" a handful of times, and I know it feels awful, I thought Thomas was going to hate me when I went to get him in the morning, but he didn't! :) He greeted me with his 3-tooth grin, and all was forgiven.
I do encourage you to try the cry it out again. Be strong :)
Beth (Shaughnessy) Yaxley
Hi Charisa,
ReplyDeleteThis is Amanda Regan from the Simon and Vanessa Neufeld's small group (we adopted you as our missionaries! :)). I wanted to let you know that a couple in our small group, Jordan and Sarah, have tried the baby sleep consultant and they can't praise her enough. They're so glad they tried her! Now their baby sleeps through the night at the same time every night, and takes regular naps with no problems too.
Do you have the list of emails from our small group? They are the Lehbauers if you want to email them about it and maybe ask for a referral. That's if you're willing to spend the money. Give it a shot, if you're interested! I'm sure they'd be happy to tell you more about it. :)
Take care!
Amanda
We have tried the cry it out thing with both of our girls and haven't found it to work well. Even if they do cry themselves to sleep, they don't sleep well and I find them to be fussier and more clingy during the day....but they are both pretty determined and sensitive babies and I want sleep to be a pleasant thing. Having said that...with both, we started having Dan take the night time wake-ups so that they would stop associating waking to nursing(this only works when they are actually not hungry)and gradually he just needs to pat their back and they go back to sleep. Makes for some tired days for him, but better for us all in the long run.
ReplyDeleteMy friend has been reading and using a book called the No Cry Sleep Solution and she has been finding it really helpful. Again though, it is about patience, consistency and routine...probably not going to happen in a few nights.
I totally hear you on the need for sleep, many days I just feel desperate! At least it eventually does get better:)
Okay, you asked for advice so I will give it:) You are not doing anything wrong. I have two very, very different boys.
ReplyDeleteMy first was a lovely sleeper; I let him cry for 15 minutes max for 2 nights in a row and then at 6 months he was pretty much sleeping through the night from 7pm to 7am. I only tell you this because that is what some kids are like. Not Micah and NOT my second boy!!!
Koen woke frequently in the night. I think if they are waking, there is a reason. Teething, ear infection, hungry, dirty diaper, new stage etc. So, I would always feed him (breastfed until 13 months). AFter that, we started giving him a bottle of milk in the night, whenever he woke. What's the big deal really? You're up for 5 minutes getting him milk and then he's content (if that will work for MIcah). Sometimes, I've even taken him to bed with us for 20 minutes. Whatever. It will not last forever. I promise. By about 16 months (I think), he was a much better sleeper and now consistently sleeps 7pm-8am. At one point Gary said, `How long will we do this?' and I said as long as it takes. My role is to be a mother and I may be `soft' but whatever, I know I'm doing all I can and I don't feel any guilt about it. Give him a little extra love, it's tough teething and growing and all that jazz. Can you just feed him in your bed and he'll go back to sleep? I couldn't sleep with my kids, but some people can.
I just feel that especially since I don't need to get up at 7am and go to work each day, it's okay. It really, really won't last forever:)
Just my thoughts:)
Louise
Louise, I agree that it's not really the end of the world to get up in the night with your baby. That's totally been my perspective; he'll sleep eventually. But since coming here, I am more tired than ever, just from everyday life. Getting up is so much harder!! And he usually won't nurse laying down, so I can't just bring him to bed and doze off. I do sometimes catch a few winks sitting in a comfy chair while he nurses though.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing is that because he sleeps with a mosquito net, when we let him cry I take the net off to make sure he won't get tangled in it. (It's happened before during a nap -- scary!!) So then I have to stay awake until he is well asleep so I can go in and put the net back on. But if I go in too soon, he wakes up again!! Yet he seems to fall back asleep fastest when he let him cry, rather that trying to rock him.
Ah well. It's true that he will sleep eventually. Maybe I should just nap more. :)
Hang in there Charisa! It's just a stage. Try to keep it all in perspective (I so often lose prespective!).
ReplyDeleteMy biggest addition to all this advice is to remember that consistency is the key to just about everything when it comes to parenting a toddler. So pick a method and stick to it NO MATTER WHAT, and no matter how easy it would be to revert back to what seems quick and easy. Trust me, I've learned how well toddlers thrive on routine and consistency, so try to keep that in mind.
And we'll pray especially hard that these sleep issues are resolved before #2 is on the way. Take it from me, having good sleepers while pregnant with is the biggest blessing!
Hang in there. We're praying.
love,
Mel
Charisa,
ReplyDeleteI do suppose the mosquito net would definitely make it hard for the "cry it out". I've never had to deal with that before!
Beth Yaxley